she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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