pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
