I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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