Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
