we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
