took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
