if i can run in heels then i can drive
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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