Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
