I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
