ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
