you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
