I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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