Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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