Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
