hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
