Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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