Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
