the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
