They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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