the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
