Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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