Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
