Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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