what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
