bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
my poor anus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
