Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
