god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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