Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
