yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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