A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
