She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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