Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
