How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
