Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
