Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
