Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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