I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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