oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
