it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
