i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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