I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
