you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
