I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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