If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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