what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize