I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i think i just lost a toe
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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