the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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