My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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