She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
