Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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