do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
