apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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