I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
