i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
