I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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