did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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