you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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