thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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