i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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