you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
