I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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