That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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