I'm jealous of your bromance
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
