He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
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I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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