the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
