I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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