dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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