dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
