We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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