we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize