I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
