yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
