UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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