There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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