It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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