My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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