I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
